Your opinion about my husband and parenting?

I have a hard time talking to my mom about this because she is very sensitive and gets upset but heres my question.We have a 15 month old and another one on the way (due in May) and my husband likes to drink a little bit. The other night he had a few drinks and our son dropped his binky on the stairs (there is a gate there) so my husband pick him up by the ankles and dangled him over the stairs to get his binky. I freaked out and yelled at him to never do this again. It's common sense to not do this. So tonight he was not drinking but our son is doing this head ing thing. He head ed my husband and my husband looks at him and yells "YOU IDIOT!" so once again i get upset and start crying and telling him you shouldn't talk to your son this way. Am I in the wrong? what should i do about this? i tell my husband all the time to not do stupid things like this but he doesn't learn. What should i do? and please don't say marriage counseling or anything. I just don't want to raise my children like this. He is a very nic guy by the way just kinda clueless. HELP!